it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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