I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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