I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize