Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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