You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
