I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
