Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
