My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize