I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
