Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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