she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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