The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
