Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
