the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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