dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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