I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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