i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
