At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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