My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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