dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
