Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
