pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
