I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
