i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
