it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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