So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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