I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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