i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
