I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
