oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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