bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
