I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
