I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
