Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
