i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
as a side note pls kill me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
