Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
