$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
