i was rollin on her like bob the builder
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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