Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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