i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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