Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
