Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
