I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
