He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
vagina is talking i cant
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
