i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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