Your dad touched me again.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This is classic penis vs brain.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
