she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
