His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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