Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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