Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
