i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
