farters have to be the big spoon...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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