i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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