OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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