Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
