mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
