Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
