Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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