Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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