this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
