im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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