I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
