Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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