you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
