Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
