I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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