I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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