I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
