Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
