im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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