Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
