We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
