That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
