If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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