Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Randomize
