Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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